Smashing Mag / Holstein @ Daikanyama Unit (15th Mar. '06)

Holstein @ Daikanyama Unit (15th Mar. '06)

Get Me Some Holstein Pills!
Have you ever been to a restaurant, had an amazing meal, tried to make the same thing at home, tasted it and gone "What the . . . "? More on that later. Meanwhile, as I descend down the seemingly never-ending stairs of the Unit in Daikanyama it is difficult to escape the feeling that I am entering some kind of bomb shelter and make a mental note of it as "a good place to hide in case of Nuclear Attack". Upon entering, the crowd of survivors is young and enthusiastic, with many members having towels wrapped around their heads in anticipation of the crowd-surfing to come. After a bit of a wait, suddenly, out of nowhere, Philosophy, by Ben Folds Five, is played at full volume and on come the band. Well at least I will have heard SOME music I liked tonight! Holstein are a traditional four-piece rock outfit, unconventional only in regards to their haircuts. They play music best described as "generic lively rock". To get an idea, just watch a Japanese chart show for "rock music", you know, the one where you get all the bands mixed up because they are similar. Well, they sound like them. As in, all of them. And they have a template. And they stick to it. It goes something like this: a slow, short start (no singing), a very brief intro verse, then the song "livens up" and goes at full pelt until the end (with lots of sudden stops that go "da, da da, da da" and gradually building crescendos) while the band jumps around like puppets controlled by a very drunk puppetmaster. The whole thing lasts about five minutes. Then it starts again. At exactly the same speed. Oh, with quite a long break and unnerving silences (no heckling! I thought I was in church!!) between songs while their (very talented, it must be said) guitarist tunes up. At which points the band turn their backs on the audience (did the chef just SPIT in the cooking bowl???). The incredibly frustrating thing is that there is obviously an extremely good band struggling to get out from behind this template. All the ingredients are there, but for some reason, the thing in front of me looks like a lasagna, but it isn't one. Finally, after about 40 minutes, the real soul of the band appears as they perform "The end of the universe". The tempo slows, and for once the singer sings over the quiet bits. And a stunning performance it is too. Made it worth the trip. But in a flash it's over, and back come the dancing puppets with that song again. Oh well. I ascend the stairs back on the street, anticipating Armageddon but finding that the only damage has been slight, and to my ears. And I find myself wondering if maybe people make their best food AFTER they throw the cookbook in the bin.